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However, just as some people perhaps rush their way down the aisle when deciding to get married, many more rush their way to the lawyers to sign divorce papers when perhaps there are other things they could have tried before throwing in the towel.
Sometimes a marriage just isn’t working and if that’s the case then letting it go may be the best thing for all involved, but to help you decide what the right option is for you, then we’ve put this post together with some things that you might want to consider before throwing in the towel on your marriage so that you can perhaps avoid making a decision in the moment that you may not be able to go back on and will regret later down the road.
Are there still feelings involved?
It’s quite unusual for a divorce to come about because someone fell out of love - that’s not to say it doesn’t happen, but it’s rare. Love certainly changes throughout a relationship, but if anything it becomes stronger and deeper, and less like the lust that’s typical of the early days. When thinking of getting divorced, it’s important to try and remember the reasons you got married and see if those feelings are still there and if perhaps something like speaking with a marriage counselor to see if maybe the issues you’re dealing with can be overcome through some healthy communication and understanding. It would be truly unfortunate if you threw a marriage away when there’s still feelings involved that could be fixed. However, sometimes even when there are feelings this isn’t a reason to stay in a marriage, and sometimes it’s important to look beyond the feelings you have and be able to know that it’s time to walk away from something that’s just not healthy or working out.
What was the dynamic of your marriage?
Is your marriage one that you feel like you’re both equals or does it feel more like you’re expected to take care of your spouse without getting much in return. If your marriage is one in which one party is doing all the giving while the other just takes all the time, then this is not something that will work unless the dynamic changes. This wouldn’t work for any relationship - whether professional or personal, but it most certainly won’t work in a marriage, and if this isn’t going to change anytime soon, then it’s probably best to think about going your separate ways.
Do you want a divorce or a reaction?
Every marriage has arguments and sometimes what when we’re in the middle of an argument we can find ourselves saying things to get a reaction. This often stems from a feeling of not being heard and needing to show that we’re right or show the other person what they could be losing by not giving in. Although it can be difficult to see this behavior pattern in the moment, it’s important to not throw words like divorce around just to get a reaction if you don’t really mean it because it can and does have consequences that you may regret.
Are you basing this on emotion or careful consideration?
Just like getting married is a big choice that has to be carefully considered, so is getting a divorce, and often we do things based on an emotional reaction to the situation rather than taking time to really carefully consider if this is what we truly want or not. Before making such a huge decision it’s important to take the time away from the heat of the emotion involved and really look at it from a calm and logical perspective.
What’s motivating this decision?
Have you been thinking about divorce for a long time because you just feel like things aren’t getting better in your marriage or is this something that’s perhaps coming from a feeling of frustration. Whilst there’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to divorce and only you can know what the right decision is for you, it’s important to really look at the reasons behind your decision so you can determine if this is something you really want or think is the best choice.
Have you considered the full picture?
When considering whether or not to put an end to your marriage, there may be other aspects to consider. Sometimes there are other people to consider, such as children. Although staying in an unhappy marriage is never something you should do because you think it’s better for children, they should also be considered when making your decision because divorce can and does have an impact on children, but if you know the steps to take to help them through it and deal with it in a healthy way, then it really doesn’t have to be a traumatic experience for them to get through.
Have you thought about the future communication?
When going through a divorce, even if it was a mutual choice, people’s egos sometimes tend to take over the logical side of their brains, and this is something that can last for years after the event. If you have children together, then it’s highly possible that you’re going to need to maintain some kind of contact or communication with your spouse in the future, so if you’re seriously considering going for divorce, then you need to be prepared to put aside any personal issues and behave in a mature and adult way when communicating with them when it relates to your children in the future.
Of course this can be difficult depending on the reasons for the divorce, but even if you feel like you can’t stand the person you used to be married to, it’s important to remember that your child loves them and that they should never be put in a position where they feel like they have to show loyalty to one parent more than the other.
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